


The One With the Anger Boner Guts Blender

by TobiBooneTheSmallSpoone, ZanderFrae



Series: F. A. N. T. A. S. I. E. S. [2]
Category: Friends (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Anal Sex, Angry Sex, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Rough Sex, Table Sex, Wall Sex, Zombie!Joey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-02
Updated: 2019-10-02
Packaged: 2020-11-22 15:08:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20876228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TobiBooneTheSmallSpoone/pseuds/TobiBooneTheSmallSpoone, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZanderFrae/pseuds/ZanderFrae
Summary: Chandler has a rough day at the office and takes it out on his unsuspecting boyfriend.





	The One With the Anger Boner Guts Blender

**Author's Note:**

> TobiBooneTheSmallSpoone as Joey  
ZanderFae as Chandler

Chandler fumed the entire way from the office to his apartment, outright ignoring several friends as he passed. If he spoke to  _ anyone _ outside the safety of his domain, he’d probably end up in jail. Or some warlock’s slave. Or something. Point being, he needed his pain resistant zombie boyfriend, and he needed him  _ hours _ ago. The door slammed open and then shut--he didn’t care much if they heard about that later. “Joey?”

Joey blinked and looked up from his armchair, hed jumped nearly a foot in the air and dropped a sheaf of papers about the floor. He frowned and slowly got up, "Hello to you too, Mr. Door McSlammy."

“I want to murder something. But I can’t do that unless it’s perfectly innocent and used in a ritual… and I’m no warlock,” Chandler attempted to explain, hands rushing back and forth through his hair.

Joey blinked again and looked around in concern, "Uh, well, I think I saw a spider in the shower an hour ago, you could go murder that for me."

Chandler narrowed his eyes, immediately ceasing all movement. “Am I a joke to you?”

Joey sputtered and shook his head, "no! Not at all! Well, maybe a little but in a good way!" He shrugged, "I mean if you're serious then I can find a shovel or some concrete." If he still had functioning sweat glands, he'd be wringing wet, he knew that look in Chandlers eyes and it made him hard. Which meant he said stupid stuff to try and goad Chandler further.

Chandler surged forward and grabbed Joey by the throat. “Maybe I can mix  ** _you_ ** with some concrete. Still be joking then?” The familiarity of their routine was starting to ease the throb of his pulse in his head and increase it in his… well… head.

Joey squirmed a bit for effect since he didn't need to breathe more than once a minute and he felt a crooked smile spreading across his face, "I dunno, maybe a Joey-concrete milkshake would lighten you're ridiculous mood? The fuck are you so worked up for? Someone piss in your cheerios?"

“Why, Joseph, yes. Yes, someone  ** _did _ ** piss in my cheerios. I highly suspect they even  _ came _ in my cheerios.” With each word, Chandler stripped Joey out of a piece of clothing, moving to his own layers once the zombie was nude. “Did the cheerios consent? No. Did  _ I _ consent? Don’t be ridiculous. These were unsuspecting cheerios and taste buds. And  ** _why_ ** did someone commit such a wrong against me?”

Joey only weakly struggled against being stripped naked and whined softly when his back bumped into a wall; Chandler was really worked up and very angry. Joey's cock throbbed a little against his thigh, " _ Unf _ ! Oh yes, clearly you are the world's biggest martyr today. Poor thing, but I haven't the slightest idea and I feel like you're gonna tell me, right?"

“They fucked with my WENUS, Joseph.  ** _MY WENUS_ ** . After I  _ explained  _ ** _in detail_ ** exactly what easy things they could do to  _ not  _ do exactly that. So there’s an entire week of work--cheerios--fucked without warning or consent.”

Joey tried very hard to keep his face neutral and he cleared his throat a bit, "A … ahem, a grave offense indeed." He licked his lips and then sputtered out a breath as the contained tension started to get to him.

“Keep licking those lips, zombie boy, and I might be compelled to claim something other than your dick for myself,” Chandler threatened with a promising nip, his own dick standing proud and purple, tip gleaming.

Joey squirmed, "that a threat or a promise, meat popsicle?" He ground his half hard cock against Chandlers thigh, unfortunately he couldn't get hard on his own, needed a bit of stimulation. He pretended to choke as Chandler squeezed his throat and the zombie’s fingers twitched on the humans forearms.

“You might consider it both,” the human growled against Joey’s ear as he reached down and took the zombie’s dick in hand. “Table or counter?”

A shiver rippled down Joey's spine, he whimpered and shifted his weight, "Hmm lemme just weigh the pros and cons…" he knew he was dangerously close to getting just fucked into the wall at this point but the raw look of animal rage in Chandler’s eyes was too delicious not to stoke.

“Oh, the pros and cons, huh? How about I just put the data,” he grit out before ramming his cock directly up Joey’s ass, “into a fucking spreadsheet for you?” They hadn’t tested yet how long he could feasibly fuck Joey against a wall, but he was willing to sacrifice. “How’s that?”

Joey sucked in a breath and squirmed, "Okay that hurt pretty good. You got anything else or does this conclude your presentation, Bing?" Joey had to really fight to not dissolve into a horny puddle of goo, but damn did Chandler hit all the right spots.

With a scream that sounded equal parts rage and eroticism, Chandler spun them around so that he could slam Joey onto the table. “You just don’t know when to quit, do ya, Tribiani?” Teeth pulled and scraped along Joey’s jaw as the human’s hips pistoned as quickly and hard as they could.

Joey winced and panted, grabbing onto the edge of the table to keep himself from falling off. His bones ground and rattled against each other and he tilted his head back, releasing any and all control. A string of guttural moans and whines spilled out of his mouth as he submitted, "Y-Yes, I do it just ain't ti-time yet! Oh fuck-! Fuck me! Ow! Oh god  _ yes _ !" He couldn't help it, he was thoroughly enjoying himself.

“Just a glutton for punishment, aren’t you, pretty boy?” Chandler crooned, eyes rolling so that barely more than the whites were visible. He didn’t think he was going to last very long at this rate, but he just couldn’t be bothered with slowing down. He needed this, damnit.

Joey yelped and whined and writhed, his eyes blanked out and his knuckles popped. A string of drool trailed down his chin, his cock slapped against his stomach and he would give himself a stroke but if he let go, he'd probably fly right off the table, "Huuurgh, Chan-Chandler… hurt me please!"

“Good boy.” Chandler gripped the base of Joey’s cock and pulled with just shy the amount of force needed to undo the Stitchers’ work. “You wanna hurt, Jojo? Tell me,  _ hng _ ,” his hand moved to firmly grip his own testes, “how much?”

Joey growled and his eyes went from white to a pale red, his fingers dug in as the pressure started to build in his already sore ass, "M-Make me bleed, Chandler, baby, put all that hurt on me.  _ Please! _ "

The human sunk his teeth into Joey’s neck with a feral groan, pistoning erratically. “That’s right, filthy monster. Taking everything I can give you and still begging for more.” He moved both hands to each grip one of Joey’s knees and spread him as wide as he could go. The right hip gave a tell-tale  _ pop _ sound that probably meant it was out of socket again, but it drove Chandler that much deeper into his boyfriend.

Joey threw his head back and bit down on a howl as his hip dislocated then he started panting, looking at Chandler frantically, "G-Get the other one, asshole, quick!"

Panting heavily himself at this point, the human pushed and pulled on the left hip until it too  _ popped _ , leaving them as close as possible. One more spasm of Joey’s sphincter and Chandler was a sobbing mess, clinging to and filling his boyfriend shamelessly. Once he had some conscious control over his body again, Chandler pulled out and wrapped a hand around the base of Joey’s dick. After a couple of firm pulls, he licked up the length of it once before tonguing at the slit.

Joey breathed out slowly in relief, his hand reaching down to stroke and pet Chandler’s hair and the back of his neck, "Whoo boy, ya feel better now, hm?"

He nuzzled Joey’s dick in response, remaining quiet for a while as he cooled down. “Love you, Jojo.”

Joey smiled and sighed, "Love you too, Chandler… Chan Man … Channy Bingsalot… " Joey snickered then winced, "ooh I'm not gonna be able to walk for a bit looks like."

“Mrm keep up those nicknames, and I might find it in me to walk you to the Stitchers,” Chandler whined, slowly raising a finger to Joey’s lips.

Joey snickered and leaned forward to lick and suck on the digit, his eyes fluttered almost closed then he gave Chandler a look and bit him. Not hard but it was a very pointed gesture.

Chandler whined and wiggled his finger against Joey’s tongue. “Okay, okay. How’s about I carry you to bed and we cuddle?” 

Joey huffed and released Chandler’s finger, "After you feed the Joey, I've got the rumblies." He leaned up and nuzzled Chandlers chin, "And I did a good job didn't I? Made you feel better? That's worth some snacks right?"

“Mmm you did so good, Jojo,” murmured against Joey’s belly before forcing himself back to his feet. “Do you want the brains from the fridge or the brain crisps from the pantry?”

Joey dragged himself to the edge of the table and carefully crawled down to the chair, situating his dislocated legs and smirking, "Fridge brains and don’t heat em up, I'll eat them raw. I think I can just pop these back in, no need for the Stitchers."


End file.
